FUNNY ADULT GAMES

And that's not us embellishing, either. He made it through the training, naturally, and became a full-fledged SEAL who eventually wound up fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. She saved the lives of numerous prisoners by actively attacking any and all guards attempting to deliver beatings. Yes, both Mac and PC. He looks like a preteen girl watching The Notebook -- or any man on Earth watching a dog die in an action movie. A tratti ricorda Zenga e Buffon " " in Italian. Yadav, in spite of being shot three times, kept climbing.

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U.S. splits afternoon session with Europe at Ryder Cup, will enter singles down 10-6

From , Wheaton appeared in seasons 3, 4, and 5 of the web series The Guild as Fawkes, the leader for a rival guild known as Axis of Anarchy. He appeared as a fictionalized version of himself in several episodes of the sitcom The Big Bang Theory , starting in season 3, episode 5: On the show, Wheaton behaves in comically petty and manipulative ways towards main character Sheldon Cooper , who regards him as an archenemy until the season 5 episode "The Russian Rocket Reaction", when they make amends and become friends.

Wheaton appears in 12 episodes in a recurring, guest-starring role on Eureka , playing Dr. In , Wheaton mentioned his love for the game of poker on his blog. The following year, he began writing more extensively about his poker-playing experiences, including stories about playing Texas hold 'em tournaments locally and in Las Vegas.

Eventually, he worked up to regular play, including a run at the World Poker Tour Championships. In June , he announced he would no longer be on Team Pokerstars due to changes in the US legal system that would cause poker sites to have to focus on European and Asian markets [35] and held a farewell Pokerstars tournament on June 5, , which he titled So Long and Thanks for All the Chips.

The game was hosted and recorded by Wizards of the Coast with Chris Perkins as the dungeonmaster. Wheaton hosts the web series TableTop that he created with Felicia Day , where he explains how to play various card, board and dice games, then plays a round with celebrity guests. This web series has had over 4. Wheaton has spoken out against misogyny in video game culture , [46] [47] and wrote a profile of Anita Sarkeesian for the Time A fictionalized version of Wheaton was included in the comic book PS , in which he harbors the power of telekinesis.

Wheaton's debut comic book The Guild: Fawkes, which he wrote alongside Felicia Day , was released on May 23, Wheaton has recorded several of his non-self-published books as downloadable audiobooks. He also released excerpts of Memories of The Future: Vol 1 as free podcasts.

Cascadia by Tobias Buckell ; [60] What If?: He was originally a something regular guy, when he was dragged away to the "Eternal Scout" ceremony and disappeared. He then returned as a 53 year old with a son, and was the sous chef of Night Vale's top restaurant. Wheaton runs his own blog , Wil Wheaton Dot Net. Between and late , he operated a message board, known as "The Soapbox " or " Paracosm ," as part of the blog site.

He contributes regularly to the Los Angeles-based Metroblogging site. From January to October , he wrote a column for The A. Club about early video games, called "Games of Our Lives.

In early , he founded the independent publishing company Monolith Press and released a memoir entitled Dancing Barefoot. Monolith Press was "founded on the idea that publication should not be limited by opportunity.

Dancing Barefoot sold out three printings in four months. In winter , Wheaton signed to publisher Tim O'Reilly with a three-book contract. O'Reilly acquired Dancing Barefoot , and published his extended memoirs, Just a Geek , in summer of He has since written about his bitterness regarding how the book was marketed, believing it was pitched as a Star Trek book when he intended it as more of a personal memoir.

With the release of Sunken Treasure: Wil Wheaton's Hot Cocoa Box Sampler in February , instead of using traditional publishing, Wheaton decided to self-publish using Lulu Publishing , releasing paperback and digital copies, something he has continued to do with all his publications since. As a chapbook , Sunken Treasure contains several small extracts of various different projects, including two short stories from Ficlets , an ACME comedy sketch, William's Tell and a Criminal Minds production diary.

The production diary was later released as an audiobook. Later that same year, Wheaton released Memories of the Future: Volume 1 , a humorous critique, as well as an account of Wheaton's own experiences with, and memories of, the first thirteen episodes of Star Trek: Closing up , Wheaton published a special edition of The Happiest Days of Our Lives , which also included an afterword by his son, Ryan.

The book features 40 short stories, each by a different author, to commemorate the 40th anniversary of Star Wars. Wheaton described himself as a liberal in Bush 's plan to suspend habeas corpus and to use torture: Shame on his Republican allies in Congress , and shame on the spineless, cowardly Democrats who did not stand up to them.

Wheaton is a supporter of the Electronic Frontier Foundation and has been involved with the organization since On August 24, , Wheaton gave the keynote address for the yearly Penny Arcade Expo , which was subsequently made available online. Much of Wheaton's address focused on the debate over violence in video games. He supported Barack Obama in the Presidential Election [74] and opposed Proposition 8 , calling it "nothing but hate and discrimination". In September , Wheaton announced that he was supporting Bernie Sanders ' bid to be the Democratic Party presidential candidate nominee.

Immediately following the Sutherland Springs church shooting on November 5, , Wheaton on Twitter stated in response to Congressman Paul Ryan 's call for prayers for the victims that "The murdered victims were in a church. If prayers did anything, they'd still be alive, you worthless sack of shit. Wheaton married Anne Prince on November 7, , [83] and lives in Arcadia, California , with her and her two sons from a previous relationship.

Wheaton is an aficionado of computers, the internet, and technology in general. He says he is drawn to alternatives like Linux because he is left-handed, though he ceased using Linux when he switched to Windows Wheaton is also a major longtime fan of the Los Angeles Kings ice hockey team and can often be found at the Staples Center at both regular season and playoff games. His sniper shot at him at his apartment. Peter saved Mary Jane, but the bullet hit Aunt May. Tracking the sniper's gun to a warehouse full of arms dealers, viciously beats everyone and gets the names of the dealers who traffics those guns.

Peter donned a cloth version of his black suit to find those who were responsible of hurting his family. He finds the gunman talking to Fisk on his cell phone.

Peter takes him to a sewer pipe, beats him and tells him to tell everyone to stay away from his family. He arrives at Ryker's Island during a prison riot lead by the Kingpin to confront him. Spider-Man savagely beats the crime-lord and taunts him on his lack of real powers. Telling Fisk that after his aunt dies, he will kill him and threatening the other inmates that he will kill them all slowly and painfully if they ever harm his family before leaving. They begin to fight using their stingers but Ero manages to hit him in the shoulder, paralyzing him.

She decides to place her eggs inside of him instead of Flash. Spider-Man was saved by Betty Brant, who shot the egg sac with a shotgun.

Ero tried to escape but Spider-Man lured her into an aviary, where she was devoured by hundreds of birds. Spider-Man stepped on the last spider remaining. Realizing he could not afford for his identity to be public knowledge, Peter agreed to aid the Scarlet Spiders in return for their help in re-establishing his secret identity. Telling the media that Parker was part of their team but was discharged and drawing confusion as to if Parker is the first and only Spider-Man.

Peter grew increasingly desperate to save the life of his Aunt May. He sought the help of Dr. Strange, finding that even magic could not help him save Aunt May's life.

At one point, Eddie Brock was found in Aunt May's room; where he attempted to commit suicide by jumping out of the window. As part of Mephisto's deal, everyone would forget Peter's identity as Spider-Man. Because of this decision, the daughter they would have had never existed. Then Mephisto re-arranged history to make it so that Peter unwittingly would not show up to his wedding day, but stayed with Mary Jane as a long time couple.

But this re-arrangement also caused it to be Doctor Strange who erased people's memories about Parker's secret identity except Mary Jane, the Jackal, and all his clones- although he later shared his identity with the Fantastic Four- as well as somehow restoring Harry Osborn to life and protected Peter with a "psychic blindspot," preventing people from being able to consciously deduce that Peter Parker and Spider-Man were the same person unless anyone actually saw him take his mask off.

But Mary Jane was bitterly hurt from having knowledge of a time of great emotional pain that no one else on the planet remembered.

She and Peter agreed that they were still in love with each other but they had to accept that their relationship put everyone they cared about in danger and that it was best for them to remain as friends. Back from five years in a European rehab center was Harry Osborn []. While searching for a job, Peter joined the Daily Bugle again which was now bought out by Dexter Bennett , and began to work as a paparazzi reporter, which was something that neither his Aunt May or Harry approved of [].

However, after his photographs of the celebrity Bobby Carr resulted in the deaths of women by a crazed super villain stalker who was obsessed with him, Peter decided to destroy the new photos he took resulting in Bennett firing him []. Peter soon learned that Bennett had blacklisted him to nearly every news source in town preventing Peter from finding work.

However, Harry suggested that Peter find a job at a news source that was Bennett's enemy, which he did by joining the Front Line as it was not under Bennett's influence.

Since Osborn had transformed Venom into a more Spider-Man like look to join his Dark Avengers, [] Peter had to reveal his secret identity to the New Avengers, in order to implicitly earn the team's trust. Upon doing so, Jessica Jones fled the place, as she had gone to high school with Peter and had a crush on him at the time. During a trip to the Macroverse, Spider-Man re-revealed to the Fantastic Four his identity, and after coming back, he discovered two months had passed in standard time.

Jameson had become the new NY major, Aunt May and Jameson's father Jay were in a relationship, Harry had fallen to drink and Michele Gonzales had moved to his apartment. Spider-Man prevented Harry from killing Norman. He later battled a man who wanted to kill Ben Reilly, and saw the return of Peter's living clone Kaine. Despite his problems, Spider-Man helped the original Jackpot start fighting crime [] and overcame the corrupting control of Mister Negative 's energy.

Building [] ; Sandman, who became obsessed with taking care of his "daughter" Keemia [] ; Rhino, who left reformation to kill a new Rhino who murdered his wife [] ; Mysterio, who starts a gang war [] ; a new Vulture , who tries to kill Jameson [] ; and the Lizard, who evolved and "killed" his alter-ego and his son Billy []. Many of them where helped by Kraven's wife Sasha , who wanted revenge on Spider-Man, arranging most of these attacks so that Peter would be a potent sacrifice.

However it was revealed that the corpse was Kaine's, who had earlier knocked out Peter and switched places to save him, with the corrupted resurrection ritual thus leaving Kraven an apparent immortal who was nevertheless detached from the world around him.

The surviving Kravinoffs left New York. Later, Kaine was resurrected from his grave and mutated into a more spider-like creature by the Jackal.

After Osborn's fall and the Registration Act's abolition following the Siege of Asgard , MJ invited Peter over so the two of them could gain closure over the marriage that didn't happen and the break-up. Peter then finally starts a relationship with police officer Carlie Cooper. Spider-Man's heroic career rose up again, he joined the reassembled Avengers and also stayed with the New Avengers, who were outlaws no more.

He learned that Michele was moving and he couldn't maintain his apartment anymore. However, Peter found a dream job, thanks to Jameson's wife Marla Madison , as a compensation for Jameson firing him, as a scientist at Horizon Labs where he had access to much technology and resources while also giving him freedom to come and go as he liked so long as he delivered good results. Spider-Man assisted the Avengers in defeating Doctor Octopus' army of macro-octobots. He then faced a new Hobgoblin and the Kingpin, but days later, he lamentably lost Marla in a fight between Alistair Smythe 's Spider-Slayers.

After Johnny Storm the Human Torch died preventing an invasion from the Negative Zone , Peter joined the Fantastic Four, now as the Future Foundation as Johnny's last request to him and helped them to fight an interdimensional version of Reed Richards, and the Sinister Six, who managed to steal tech from the Baxter Building.

Their third mission was in the Caribbean, on Earth. There, Reed located the epicenter of the dimensional anomalies the Future Foundation had been fixing. As the team explored the island, they were attacked by zombie pirates. It was revealed it was all a fake created by the Sinister Six, with only Mysterio and Chameleon really present, the other four members were robots.

Meanwhile, Doctor Octopus and the others infiltrated the Baxter Building, stealing technology for Doc Ock's further plans. Negative's identity [] as well as learning that Aunt May was moving to Boston with Jay Spider-Man found himself with a new problem: The Queen was revealed as the true mastermind: Fantastic created a cure using the Anti-Venom Symbiote , and after battling Peter under Jackal's influence , Peter's clone Kaine was accidentally cured from his mutations, turning him into a perfect clone.

While he and the Avengers battled the Spider-Queen in Central Park , Kaine killed her and Peter managed to get the cure to every citizen via Doc Ock's mentally controlled octobots. He met with Jay and May while they were leaving for Boston. Also, because of revealing he had spider-powers during the Spider-Island event, Peter's psychic blind spot was weakened, letting Carlie know he was Spider-Man, which caused her to break up with him.

Before giving a last cure sample to MJ, who briefly attempted to keep some spider-powers, Spidey met with Madame Web on the roof of Horizon Labs.

She told him that he could de-power himself with the cure sample and someone else will step in to take his place. Peter refuses, saying that throwing his gift away would be the most irresponsible thing he's ever done.

Madame Web warns that he is to suffer a loss. After fighting some old foes like the Vulture and his Vulture henchmen, [] teaming-up with Daredevil and Black Cat, [] [] and the now-alive Human Torch, Spider-Man faced the return of a menace. Before his death, Doctor Octopus wanted to be remembered as the man who saved Earth by stopping the Greenhouse Effect [].

When they tried to get to one of Octavius' manufacturing satellites, they defeated Sandman. Octavius asked for help from all nations, to capture Spider-Man. To counter this, Spider-Man called on the heroes that were still on Earth to destroy the facilities of Octavius. This caused a huge explosion in the areas that were facing the sun.

When the trio exited the base they saw what happened. Sable then asked if that is Symkaria to which Peter answered it is half of the world and Spider-Man said, "We failed. After they are defeated, Mysterio is convinced by Spider-Man to help him catch the Octopus in his base in Guatemala , but Octavius used the mind-controlled Avengers as his new Sinister Six.

Meanwhile, for saving half of Symkaria, Sable kissed Peter. He refused to get into a relationship with her because he had redeveloped feelings for Mary Jane. They were faced by Rhino while the base started to flood, Octavius trapped Sable and left Spider-Man with two choices, to continue to fight him in order to save Sable from drowning, or allow Octavius to activate the lenses.

After leaving Sable to her death at her request, Spidey managed to destroy Octavius's arms and equipment before taking his foe away to a doctor, thus finally saving the world.

While fighting Mysterio, Spider-Man was accidentally sent through a dimensional rift in the villain's possession into Earth , the Ultimate Universe, where he encountered the Spider-Man of that world, Miles Morales , who had taken up the mantle of the late Peter Parker from his universe.

Peter eventually couldn't resist to learn more about the life of his counterpart, and visited the home of the May Parker and Gwen Stacy from this reality. Once Mysterio's base was located, [] the Spider-Men attacked him with assistance from the Ultimates and S. Before Mysterio's portal closed permanently due to malfunctions, Peter gave Miles his blessing as the new Spider-Man, and returned to his reality. In the middle of a fight against the Hobgoblin while his spider-sense was overloaded, Spider-Man was unsuspectedly pinched by one of Doctor Octopus' Octobots programmed to swap consciousness between the two, causing Peter to become trapped in the dying body of his foe while Octavius claimed Peter's life for himself.

In an attempt to take back his life with the little time he had left, Peter broke out of Octavius' cell in the Raft [] leading to a final confrontation between the two in the Avengers Tower.

Though Peter failed to reverse the change, he managed to establish a weak link with Otto's mind using an Octobot. In his final moments, Peter forced Otto to relive all of his memories. Having experienced in a flash all of Peter's trials and tribulations, Otto learned his lesson of power and responsibility, and swore to carry on with Peter's life with dignity as a superior Spider-Man.

Despite Peter's apparent demise, a portion of his being found itself alive inside Otto's subconsciousness. Realizing that he failed in his role as the "superior" Spider-Man, having pushed his allies aside and lost his resources in the process, Otto willingly allowed Peter to reclaim his body in order to defeat Osborn once and for all and save Anna Maria Marconi , Otto's love.

He additionally took up the reins of Parker Industries , a small company founded by Octavius after leaving Horizon Labs. While adjusting to his new status quo, especially his position as the CEO of his very own company, [41] Peter learned of the existence of Cindy Moon , a second person to have been bit by the same radioactive spider which granted Peter his powers.

Spider-Man tracked her down and freed her from a bunker owned by the late Ezekiel Simms, where Cindy had spent over a decade in voluntary confinement shortly after getting her powers, in order to avoid drawing Morlun's attention. While Peter notified Cindy that Morlun was dead, he had in fact survived his last encounter against Spider-Man. Not long after rescuing Cindy, who went on to adopt her own superheroic identity as Silk , [] Spider-Man was approached by a contingent of spider-people from all over the Multiverse that banded together to fight the Inheritors , a group of psychic vampires and family of Morlun that had begun to hunt down the spider-totems of other realities.

The combined Spider-Army were forced to retreat to Earth after their safe zone in Earth had been compromised by the Inheritors, namely Morlun, his brother Jennix , and his father and leader of the Inheritors, Solus.

With the help of even more recruits from other realities and even a deviant Inheritor named Karn , the Spider-Army launched one final attack on Earth The ritual was stopped, though not before Kaine had been killed, and the Inheritors were exiled with no means to return home to the radioactive wasteland that had become the world of Earth Spider-Man and a few others stayed on Earth for a little while longer to defeat the time-displaced Octavius, who had gone rogue after learning that Parker would eventually regain control of his body.

Octavius was defeated and returned to the time he had come from, losing memory of the recent events in the process. With no more problems to confront, Spider-Man and the rest of the spiders were sent back home. Unbeknownst to anyone, Otto Octavius had created a digital back-up of his own mind which ended up inhabiting the metallic body of Parker Industries' robotic assistant, the Living Brain. This change in Peter's life impacted his super heroic alter ego as well.

Spider-Man officially became the mascot of Parker Industries under the guise of being Peter's bodyguard. One of Peter's biggest challenges during his tenure as a billionaire C. O was the emergence of a mysterious biotech company called New U , which Peter discovered was a front for the operations of the Jackal, who claimed to have found a way to bring people back from the dead using cloning technology.

In an attempt to persuade Peter to put Parker Industries' resources to help his plan, the Jackal resurrected numerous of his late friends and foes, including Gwen Stacy. Afterwards, Peter teamed-up again with Teresa Durand , a CIA agent with whom Peter had already joined forces in a mission at least months ago during which she was seemingly brainwashed by the Kingpin and Mentallo to believe she was Peter's long-lost sister.

Numerous headquarters of Parker Industries around the globe were targeted by the forces of the terrorist organization, [] namely a unit led by one of Hydra's latest additions, the duplicate of Doctor Octopus, who had gained a physical body through the Jackal's cloning technology.

Despite having his civilian reputation smeared due to his company's collapse, Peter quickly got back on his feet. After beginning a short-lived relationship with Parker Industries' former S. Not long after Peter had decided to reveal his secret identity to Jameson, [] Jonah was kidnapped by Norman Osborn, and accidentally let it slip that Peter was Spider-Man. Peter only managed to defeat Osborn in a fight after tricking him into rejecting the symbiote, having claimed that any credit for his defeat would go to the Carnage symbiote and not Osborn himself.

Unfortunately, the process of defeating Osborn cost the life of Spider-Man's biggest fan, Flash Thompson, who had recently become the superhero Agent Anti-Venom. Following Osborn's latest defeat, Peter's life was plagued with problems on both sides. As Spider-Man, now-Mayor Wilson Fisk decided to be publicly accepting of him while condemning all other vigilantes, in order to isolate him from his superhero peers.

As Peter Parker, his academic credentials were revoked after being accused of plagiarizing his doctoral dissertion from Octavius and unable to defend himself without revealing his secret identity , resulting in his firing from the Daily Bugle.

On the other hand, Peter became romatically involved again with Mary Jane, and was given an opportunity to re-apply for his doctoral thesis on the recommendation of Dr. However, the separation split Peter down the middle, so both individuals didn't share Peter's sense of responsibility, resulting in a reckless and vain Spider-Man. Spider-Man is commonly seen as a brave and righteous hero with an indomitable sense of justice and responsibility. Shaken by his uncle's tragic death, Spider-Man's vow of responsibility has led him to a path of heroism and humanitarian service.

There are times when Spider-Man's sense of responsibility can be almost overbearing; this was noted by Luke Cage when he felt embarrassed about Electro causing the Raft breakout, despite the fact he had nothing to do with it. One of Spider-Man's most prominent traits is his sense of humor. He at times is seen as the class clown in every group he is in.

Even in the face of certain death, Spider-Man invariably cracks a joke, to the annoyance of both friends and foes. His reasons for this vary: Also, he does this to get on the nerves of his opponents, since he knows that if they are angry, that they would normally lose themselves and be vulnerable to a superior skilled opponent.

It is generally agreed, however, that whenever a life is in danger, he will stop telling jokes and take the current situation with the utmost seriousness. Behind this humorous facade; however, is a wounded soul that has gone through much suffering.

While Spider-Man is in combat, occasionally another person dies, leaving him depressed for having failed in his responsibility. Guilt over the loss of his Uncle Ben continues to be the primary motivating factor in his super-heroics and his life in general. Peter is quick to assume guilt and responsibility for anything bad that happens in his presence or that can, in some way, relate back to him. For instance, he assumed responsibility for Electro's mass breakout at the Raft [] and Norman Osborn's Initiative [] because they were "his" villains.

Death in particular is difficult for Peter to reconcile with, leading him to make dramatic and unrealistic proclamations, such as his "Nobody dies! Spider-Man is also traditionally a loner. Due to his individualistic style, having been a social outcast in his youth, Spider-Man finds it hard to work in teams. However, this has gradually lessened over the years, to the point Spider-Man has worked actively with the Avengers.

Peter is also a strong willed hero, whatever obstacles that comes his way, if it's relationships, being misunderstood, or someone dying in his watch, he always gets back up. His indomitable will and don't give up attitude usually pushed him to do amazing feats like supporting the weight of a jet [] and beating up Firelord.

These traits have faded through the years as Parker grew up and gained confidence, but elements of the awkward teenage nerd still remain in his personality. Spider-Man's righteousness complimented Daredevil 's maturity as a crime-fighter during the The Death of Jean DeWolff , leading to an enduring friendship. Seen by some as the heart of New York , Peter has gained quite a reputation with not only the superhero community, but villains and civilians as well: When the Hood began his criminal career and was almost killed by the Constrictor , the Constrictor noted how new he was to villainy and that he "didn't even get to fight Spider-Man.

In spite of his many heroics, Spider-Man is infamous for numerous smear campaigns against him, especially at the hands of the Daily Bugle. The reason of this bad-mouthing upon him is because of the Bugle's manager and main publisher, John Jonah Jameson had strong distrust towards the wall crawler due to being a costumed vigilante with no affiliation to law and to take the spotlight of "true" heroes like public servants.

It was also revealed that Spider-Man is disliked by a good deal of police cops in New York because, even though he comes to turn in captured super villains, the police mistrusts him due to his vigilantism, and they are also embarrassed over their dependency on him to arrest the threats they couldn't handle. In some cops, this dislike grew into hatred and they had tried to incriminate the Wall-Crawler by putting some of his trackers on recent corpses to turn public opinion against him.

However, Vin Gonzales one of the involved cops revealed the scheme for a lighter sentence and they earned the anger of general public that the police ironically tried to frame Spider-Man with the crime. During a fight with Cable , Cable noted that Spider-Man is seen in the future as the greatest hero of them all.

When Doctor Octopus tried to become a better Spider-Man than Parker after switching bodies, [] he failed to stop the Green Goblin's take over of Manhattan, and admitted that Parker was the actual "Superior Spider-Man. However, Mary Jane Watson has been the only woman he has married before Mephisto altered reality. Peter Parker has expressed Protestant Christian beliefs in the past. Spider-Man possesses the proportionate powers of a spider, granted to him from an irradiated Common House Spider Achaearanea tepidariorum which bit Peter Parker that was apparently already mutated from prior exposure to certain frequencies of radiation and received a final, lethal dose during Parker's attendance of the exhibition.

The radioactive, complex mutagenic enzymes in the spider's blood that were transferred at the time of the bite triggered numerous body-wide mutagenic changes within Parker, granting him superhuman strength, speed, toughened flesh, and numerous arachnid-like abilities. Ezekiel Sims revealed to Peter that his powers were not of scientific origin, but were a sign that he had become a totemic avatar of the Web of Life and Destiny.

Nick Fury 's intel classified him as power level 8. Spider-Man received several upgrades in recent years as a result of two different adventures, the first via the genetic manipulations of the Queen, and subsequently during the Other's evolution. These powers were later presumably removed following the One More Day saga.

Following an encounter with an enemy known as the Queen , and her genetic manipulations of Peter's body, his Spider powers were augmented to varying degrees. After a near death experience fighting Morlun, Spider-Man became the receptacle of a powerful Spider Totem called the Other , causing his body to undergo a metamorphosis that granted him greater power than ever before after literally shedding his skin.

Following his bargain with Mephisto, Peter no longer possessed the Other's powers, which were later bestowed to his clone Kaine. Strange's spell in "One Moment in Time". Spider-Man is aware that the whole world has forgotten his secret identity, and describes it to Mister Fantastic as a "psychic blind spot," where any evidence which could lead to Spider-Man being Peter Parker, people would not be able to connect the dots, or they would come up with the wrong solution, but would accept it as the right one regardless.

Not only people's memory was affected, also every electronic and paper file was modified to have "inexplicable" gaps wherever any data useful to identifying him or his family members would otherwise be. If Spider-Man was to unmask himself - or be unmasked, then any related people witnessing the incident, would have their memories returned.

Mister Fantastic claims to be able to duplicate the "firewalls" for himself and the Fantastic Four, allowing Spider-Man to safely tell them his identity without fear of compromising his secret. Due to the events of the Spider Island arc, when Peter put a video of him having spider-powers on the Internet in hopes of inspiring other spider-powered New Yorkers to better use their powers while Spider-Man's identity is still kept secret from the mindwipe, the effects of the psychic blindspot supplied by Dr.

Strange has been weakened, making it possible for someone to correctly suspect that Peter Parker is Spider-Man if they are able to which led Carlie Cooper to suspect this resulting in her breaking up with Peter [ citation needed ] and then Norman Osborn figured out his identity when Jameson said that even throwing "his girl" of a bridge didn't stopped the wall-crawler to defeat him.

After having his body temporarily swapped with Doctor Octopus , [] Peter acquired the same equipment which gave the original Doctor Octopus his abilities:. In an attempt to cripple Spider-Man's spider-sense through the use of a spider-jammer, Tiberius Stone unintentionally augmented the spider-sense to an overwhelming degree.

On at least three occasions, Spider-Man has bonded to symbiotes from the planet Klyntar -- all three of which have taken on the appearance of a black costume with white eyes, white patches on the hands, and large stylized spider emblems on the chest and back.

The first symbiote Peter bonded to while on Battleworld and brought with him to Earth, not realizing it was alive and sentient. D space station by a group of symbiote-possessed Brood.

In order to take on the symbiote-controlled Deathbird , Spider-Man temporarily bonded to one of the symbiotes ; controlling it with help from No-Girl. The symbiote managed to overcome No-Girl and take over Spider-Man, transforming him into a monster similar to Venom, but immediately afterwards it was separated from him and jettisoned into space.

Spider-Man has a strong Force of Will, completely free of evil and temptation. For years, he has struggled to balance his life as a student and his superhero duties. He is able to emerge from defeat even stronger. His mental strength is also shown when he successfully wrestles control of nanobots from Doctor Octopus. With an IQ north of , [] Peter is easily one of the most intelligent men on Earth.

Some of the Earth's most brilliant minds such as Reed Richards and Hank Pym [] have acknowledged Peter's intellect, with the former acknowledging him as an intellectual equal whose potential rivals his own. In addition, Peter's college IQ scores were the same as those posted by Reed Richards at the same age.

With his knowledge and expertise in mechanics, robotics and engineering Peter has been able to use his amazing intellect and resources at Horizon Labs to create many inventions such as the four Spider-Armors , the Spidey Stealth Suit, his famous Web-Shooters, the Cryo-Cube and the noise reduction headphones.

At Parker Industries he invented a magnitude of devices including but not limited to the Anti-Electro Netting , it was successful in de-powering Electro, [] an antidote for the Zodiac poison, [] and easy to apply holographic plating. Peter is a very skilled photographer and has worked for the Daily Bugle and the Front Line as a photographer. They sailed through 2, miles of Japanese-controlled ocean from Australia to Singapore.

At one point they even traveled right alongside a Japanese warship without them noticing anything strange which was good, because none of the commandos could speak Malay.

They then took canoes right into Singapore Harbor, where they blew up seven Japanese ships before escaping. But to top them all, Sarah Edmonds , a year-old white woman working as a spy for the Union Army, infiltrated Confederate territory in Virginia disguised as a black man. Somehow, this totally worked, and she snagged the plans to a fort and the identities of some Confederate spies before " escaping " back to Union lines.

Welsh Royal Marine sniper Matt Hughes was participating in the invasion of Iraq, looking for a perfect occasion to shoot some dudes from really far away. He found it in two Iraqi troops who were holding up the offensive. Hughes was ordered to take them out. And not out to dinner, unless they both ordered a lead steak. A tiny one, shaped like a bullet. I'll have to get a manager. The problem was that the wind was blowing tremendously.

See, this is something that doesn't come up in the movies -- when you're trying to shoot from far away with any kind of wind, you have almost no goddamned idea where the bullet will end up. Sniping isn't just holding the cross hairs steady on the tiny soldier in the scope; it's trying to predict gusts of wind that could push the bullet into some innocent tree trunk 50 feet away. And yes, that's how much of a difference wind can make. You can not only miss the guy, but miss the whole house he's standing in.

So that's what happened to all those road signs in the country! Oh, and as if his fate were being written by the vengeful spirit of a vaudeville comedian, Hughes discovered that his targets were a little over a half mile away , which, powerful wind notwithstanding, was beyond the range of the rifle he was using. To make matters worse and yes, there apparently was still room for them to get worse , the enemy soldier he was targeting was covered in a fortified position, with only a small portion of his head and torso exposed.

Hughes would have only one chance, because if he took a shot and missed, the Iraqi would simply duck completely behind cover and never come back up. It'd be like if Luke Skywalker had been commanded to park his X-Wing at the beginning of the trench, and to lean out of the cockpit with a grenade wedged in his ass and try to power-shit it into the Death Star's exhaust port.

Cackling in the face of insurmountable odds, Hughes did his best to judge, based on the haze from the heat , how to aim the rifle to hit his target. His judgment led him to aim the shot 56 feet to the left and 38 feet high , which is another way of saying "Hughes pointed his gun in a totally unrelated goddamn direction.

Either way, Hughes presumably prayed to the sniper gods and let off his first and only possible shot, not even remotely pointed toward his target , and watched as the arc of the bullet formed the shape of a giant banana and struck the enemy soldier directly in the chest.

Needless to say, the Iraqi was killed, though we're fairly certain his last words were the equivalent of "Oh, no fucking way.

So you need to capture a crucial bridge, but force alone isn't going to do it, since such an action would destroy the bridge in the process.

Only the power of bullshit can save you now. It was , and Napoleon was having trouble conquering the Austrians, who had adopted a strong defensive position on the east bank of the Danube. The French needed to get across, but the only bridge within marching distance was wired with explosives, and the Austrians had orders to blow it up the second France attacked.

Knowing that trying to take the bridge by force would simply result in it getting blown to rubble, Napoleon's officers came up with a plan so stupid, it had to work. Two marshals named Lannes and Murat just casually strolled up to the bridge guards and started chatting about how glad they were that an armistice had finally been signed and that the fighting was now over in case you're not following along, this was a blatant lie.

The guards, being unaccustomed to idle banter with high-ranking enemy officers, remained unconvinced and kept them at gunpoint. Lannes and Murat didn't give a damn. They continued to saunter across, laughing off any attempts to stop them. Meanwhile, an elite squadron of French grenadiers also started heading for the bridge. They had been ordered to behave as casually as possible -- their guns were slung across their backs and they walked instead of marching, laughing and joking among themselves as they slowly but surely advanced.

Where should we put the beer? When they reached the other side of the bridge, the two marshals noticed an Austrian sergeant preparing to light the fuse to blow the bridge. Lannes, displaying such huge balls that their gravity started attracting debutantes, snatched the match from his hand and angrily insisted that since a truce had been signed, the sergeant was destroying public property, and if he tried it again, Lannes would have him arrested, goddammit.

A nearby Austrian artillery force prepared to fire on the sauntering grenadiers, but the officers persuaded them to back down -- Lannes actually stopped a cannon from being fired by nonchalantly sitting on the barrel to light his pipe. When a particularly persistent sergeant insisted that the whole thing was clearly a trick, Murat demanded to know if the Austrian officers were going to let an enlisted man talk to them like that.

At which point the humiliated Austrian officers ordered the man imprisoned. The fact that the French grenadiers crossed the bridge and seized said Austrian officers immediately after probably made for a very bittersweet "I told you so! Wait, what is a sobbing man in goofy headgear doing on a list of badass images?

He looks like a preteen girl watching The Notebook -- or any man on Earth watching a dog die in an action movie. This is an Evzone, an elite Greek presidential guard, and this photograph was taken during a riot.

So, what, he's crying to see what's become of his country? The Evzones are, in part, responsible for maintaining vigil over the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Their duties are largely ceremonial, much like the famous Queen's Guard at Buckingham Palace. In short, they are not to react to external stimuli unless it threatens the tomb, and they are not to be moved from their post under any circumstance. Even under penalty of chemical attack. That's important, see, because this particular Evzone is standing, absolutely immobile, inside a giant cloud of tear gas.

The photo of the crying guardsman was taken during a protest for the Parnitha forest held in Syntagma Square , which also just happens to house the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Riot police deployed tear gas on the protesters when they got out of hand or more likely, just because they were bored , and the Evzone, caught in the crossfire, just stood there and took it without so much as a twitch. This feat is especially impressive when you consider two things: The Evzones dress like somebody making fun of a Keebler elf, and they are proud members of the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Also, this isn't any old riot: It's a Greek riot. And nobody riots like the Greeks. Look up "the Greek riots" in a Google Image search and it not only shows you a page of photos that looks like somebody made a scrapbook out of Michael Bay's soul, but also asks you to be more specific.

And up there is an Evzone hanging out in the middle of a Greek riot, looking like a racist Christmas ornament and moving like a Monty Python sketch, just baaarely misting up after being blinded by tear gas. Man, if you didn't already feel like a pussy for crying at the end of The Iron Giant , you sure as hell do now.

In , Benjamin L. Salomon became a dentist. He had a bright, if boring, career path in front of him. Then, in , he was drafted into the Army. You can imagine his trepidation: Oh god, what is a mild-mannered dentist going to do against the friggin' Axis?!

Luckily, by the time war was declared, Salomon was transferred over to the Army Dental Corps. He eventually reached the rank of Captain -- and all by staying behind the lines helping keep teeth clean.

At this point in Salomon's life, the most badass thing he'd ever done was give a perfect root canal. Then shit got real: Salomon was sent to Saipan in the Pacific Theater, where he served as an impromptu regimental surgeon to the troops.

While treating the wounded, Japanese forces overwhelmed Salomon's field hospital. Four enemy soldiers stormed the tent, and when one of them bayoneted an American soldier Salomon had just pretty much finished saving, he channeled some of that infamous dentist rage.

Salomon shot two of the soldiers outright, kicked a knife out of another's hands, and headbutted the last into submission. He then ordered all of the wounded out of the tent. But since his soldiers didn't have any cover fire, Salomon took up a machine gun and provided it.

Just stop and imagine being a soldier in that tent: You know the end is near. The enemy is in your base, and there are no able-bodied guards -- just a single, solitary dentist The wounded managed to make it out safely, and the last thing they saw of their camp was a meek, glasses-wearing dental technician, completely alone, mowing down wave after wave of enemies with a machine gun.

When the Americans came back and retook the area the next day, they found Salomon dead. It was a tragic loss -- for the Japanese: They also found nearly enemy troops dead in front of Salomon.

Salomon had been shot more than 70 times, most of which he shrugged off, because you can't down a dentist with anything less than an elephant gun -- everybody knows that. Salomon earned a posthumous Medal of Honor for taking out two entire platoons of enemy soldiers single-handedly. So here's to you, Benjamin Salomon: Thank you for scraping away the plaque of evil with the little In the summer of , the Allies undertook a series of missions to Romania to attack Hitler's oil fields, and the Nazis started playing a real-life game of Duck Hunt, except that instead of ducks, they were shooting down American bombers, and instead of a laughing dog, the surviving airmen were retrieved by a group of Serbian resistance fighters called the Chetniks.

They had the best flag of the whole war. The Chetniks, although they hated Nazis too, weren't on very good terms with the Allied forces, so it came down to George Vujnovich, an American officer with Serbian roots, to contact the Chetniks and negotiate for the prisoners' release.

He masterminded a huge operation codenamed "Halyard Mission," during which more than airmen were escorted out of hostile territory by a militia of war-hardened Serbs. It was like that movie, Behind Enemy Lines , except times that. George Vujnovich on the right with a group of saved airmen. It just so happed that Tito and his communist regime were instrumental American allies, and the only thing he hated more than Nazis were those blasted Chetniks.

Who could hate these wacky, bearded misfits? To maintain good relations with Tito, the American government classified the Halyard Mission, covering up the fact that they had collaborated with a bunch of filthy Serbs. The sad ending for the Chetniks is that, after the war, Tito hunted them down and executed their leader, Draza Mihailovich, while the American government looked at the sky and whistled complacently. As for Vujnovich, he was awarded the Bronze Star for his efforts We at Cracked believe that it's never too late to hate.

Frenchman Charles Nungesser was a character straight out of a Hemingway novel. Before the war he was an amateur boxer, race car driver and pilot. During the war he managed to score 45 victories between drinking and banging everything he could get his hands on in Paris. He even found time to regularly nail the legendary spy Mata Hari well aware of her activities, he cheerfully fed her bullshit stories that she dutifully reported back to her German controllers. She was hypnotized by his glittering chest.

His list of war time injuries reads like a recitation of everything that could go wrong on a body , ever, including but not limited to a skull fracture, a brain concussion, fractures of the upper and lower jaw, dislocation of both knees, bullet wounds in the mouth and ear AND SO ON. So one day a German plane came flying low over Nungesser's airfield and challenged him to single combat at a specific time and place the next day. Note the skull and crossbones wearing a steak-hat and twirling canes.

It turned out his friends were right. The moment Nungesser reached the designated rendezvous, six German fighter planes came swooping out of the clouds in a coordinated attack. Nungesser responded to this shocking turn of events by blowing one of the German planes out of the sky.

At this point, with the odds whittled down to a much more reasonable , he broke off the engagement, presumably to run home and pick up more bullets. The remaining four Germans, no doubt in a state of shock and feeling like right dicks, simply watched him go. A badass to the very end, Nungesser survived the war only to disappear mysteriously, presumably lost at sea as he attempted to fly from France to America just two weeks before Charles Lindbergh accomplished the feat traveling in the opposite direction.

His co-pilot's lack of depth perception may have played a role. In the olden days of war, it was traditional for the parts of the British Army that came from Scotland and Ireland to fight accompanied by a guy playing the bagpipes. By World War II, the bagpipes were restricted to rear areas, and even then it was to be limited to when nobody was doing anything of great significance or when a member of the royal family arrived somewhere.

However, Simon Fraser, 15th Lord Lovat , decided that those rules were for the English, and since he was Scottish and at least slightly crazy , they didn't apply to him. They knew not to argue unless they wanted a broken Scotch bottle in their face. So, he ordered his piper, Bill Millin , to go ashore on one of the main landing points for the invasion of Normandy and wail on a set of bagpipes. Once on the beach, Millin calmly walked up and down at the water's edge, playing while carnage exploded and people died all around him.

After he had finished one tune, Lord Lovat who was dressed in a monogrammed turtleneck sweater and armed with his grandfather's hunting rifle -- did we say he was insane already? After the beach was secured, Lord Lovat once again ordered Millin to play for the commandos inland so they could assault even more German positions to the sound of the pipes.

With other soldiers frantically gesturing at him to find some cover and just really having a war all over the place, Millin walked slowly and bolt upright, playing " Blue Bonnets Over the Border. And if anyone's harboring any ill thoughts toward Lord Lovat for basically risking his own man's life for what were ostensibly the most fuck-stupid reasons imaginable, it's probably important to note that Millin played the pipes at the Lord's funeral after his death in So clearly he was OK with the way things went.

Here's a story implausible enough it could only have come from the fantasy genre, specifically the Battle of Helm's Deep from Lord of the Rings. A bunch of under-equipped warriors find themselves holed up in a fortress, outnumbered 30 to one. Knowing that death is all but inevitable, they decide to fend off the vastly superior army for a miraculous stretch of time as a pure exercise in ball-flexing manliness, before being rescued by a wizard.

Also, the fat elf dies. Imagine if Helm's Deep had only been defended by two dozen guys and the enemy crossed the sheer overwhelming math of a zombie horde with the Empire's propensity for terrifying marshal efficiency.

That's what one Sergeant Yakov Pavlov's platoon found themselves facing down in September of The Nazis were pushing into Russia as part of the biggest military operation in the history of the human race, and everything was about to come to a head in the city of Stalingrad with a battle over a single bombed-out apartment building.

Pavlov and his platoon was tasked with the thankless job of retaking the building after the Nazis had seized it. To get a snapshot of what their mindset was like heading in, it's helpful to know that the assignment was considered an extremely dangerous one by the Soviet Army, and that the Soviet Army's slogan at the time was "die for Russia.

Somehow, the slogan failed to raise morale. Doing the quick math, Pavlov realized his only chance was to throw his whole platoon into the meat grinder, and hope that the speed with which they passed through left at least a few alive.

He lost all but four men in the assault, but eventually his plan worked and they took the building. Had they known they were dealing with a man who considered four people surviving a success, the Nazis probably would have realized that they were in for some serious shit. Having barely enough survivors to outfit a respectable zombie movie, Pavlov could only station one soldier to each floor.

However, the drop-dead gorgeous line of sight it offered was enough for them to unleash a mountain of unholy hell against all Fascist comers. The last face many Nazis ever saw. The building was subjected to relentless fire--as were the civilians huddled in its basement--but Pavlov's unit held out long enough to be reinforced by a still-tiny 25 men. Not a wizard, but it was all they needed.

His men were given machine guns, rifles, mortars, barbed-wire, anti-tank mines, some body armor and a PTRS anti-tank rifle which Pavlov personally used to snipe a dozen tanks from the rooftop. They basically used what little equipment they had to convert the apartment into a goddamn anti-Nazi death machine that could annihilate whatever came at it from a kilometer in every direction. As long as everyone conserved their ammo and manned their posts, the only real danger posed to the building came from flamethrowers.

Fortunately, with legendary snipers like year-old Anatoly Chekhov on the top floor, this usually resulted in a Viking funeral for the Nazis. Later, Pavlov's men could boast that they killed more Germans defending their one building than the French killed in the entire fall of Paris. And unfortunately for French egos, they were still alive to boast--by February 2 the next year, the Battle of Stalingrad was over.

Pavlov was named a Hero of the Soviet Union, and the building he defended was made into a monument. Hopefully you didn't see the movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen but did read the comics, which feature a band of legendary fictional characters such as Captain Nemo, the Invisible Man and Dr. Hyde, all coming together from separate fictional universes to save the world.

What if we told you that there was a secret military unit during World War II which featured this guy:. Meet the Special Operations Executive , a super-secret branch of the U. They were stationed at Baker Street. Yep, the place where the fictional Sherlock Holmes solved his mysteries.

These "Baker Street Irregulars" were Churchill's go-to guys and girls for "ungentlemanly" warfare. If there was a bridge that needed busting or an Axis officer who needed seducing, you'd better believe the SOE had all the cloaks and daggers necessary to make sure Colonel Arschloch spent his last moments of World War II getting murdered in his bed anywhere from the English Channel to Southeast Asia. The ministry's greatest achievement, and perhaps the single finest act of sabotage in all of World War II, was Operation Gunnerside: It's thanks to these unknown bastards of World War II that Hitler didn't have any nuclear-tipped V-2 rockets to turn the last months of the war into something akin to Judgment Day.

In , the newly independent states of Pakistan and India began the first of many wars over the province of Kashmir, seeking control of the world's supply of sweaters and casual throws. In the summer of , the AZN the Pakistani army in Kashmir attacked the village of Tithwal and surrounded the area with securely placed machine-gun nests.

Meanwhile, the Indian army had tactical berets. The Indian counteroffensive force soon realized the only route of attack was up a one-meter wide path, at the end of which were two AZN machine-gun nests, with sheer drops on either side to the valleys below. Which we assume were entirely filled with spikes and land sharks. In order to attack, the Rifles would have to file directly into the death funnel, in plain view of not only the machine guns, but also dozens of grenade-lobbing infantrymen.

And for half an hour, they tried it: The Indian infantry stormed up the path and was predictably cut to pieces. They suffered over 50 percent casualties. Singh picked up his submachine gun and charged up alone toward the AZN position.

The rest of his section 10 or so men provided covering fire. He miraculously made it all the way up the path while bellowing " Raja Ramchandra Ki Jai " without being killed -- despite having grenade blasts tear off most of his clothes and being the only mostly naked, mustachioed, screaming target on a one-man-wide path. At the top of the rocky escarpment, he jumped into a machine-gun nest and bayoneted all the occupants.

We are assuming the mustache acted as a sort of battering ram. When Singh realized that all the men who had been covering him now lay dead or dying, he reached a plane of anger as yet unrecognized by our pitiful Western emotions. He was more filled with murder than ever, but tragically, he had just run out of bullets.

And that gave him pause He bayoneted two more occupants before a grenade explosion tore off half his face , which he found mildly inconvenient at best: Not only did it not stop him, it actually seemed to egg him on. Now bleeding from multiple shrapnel wounds and half blind with his own blood, he charged the second machine-gun nest and threw a grenade into it, just as a bullet struck him in the head and killed him.

As he fell, the grenade exploded, taking out the nest and winning the battle. He died as he lived: You can speculate, if you like, about where exactly Private Thomas Alfred Jones got his nickname -- was it his enormous wang? Was he a dick to his fellow troops? Did he once kill a man with it, wielding it as a sort of makeshift flail?

Sadly, we just don't know that story. But we do know a better one:. Jones served in the British army during the Somme offensive, the single greatest loss of British life in the history of the Empire. On Sept 25, , the British had captured the French village of Morval and were in the process of building trenches. Jones and the rest of his unit were digging in, still recovering from the battle they had only just finished fighting, when a sniper opened fire on them.

Several men were wounded, but when one of the younger soldiers was shot through the head and killed, Jones finally reached his Hulk Quota. They shouldn't have made him angry. Jones waited until his commanding officer wasn't looking, picked up his rifle and sprinted off across the muddy, open ground toward the enemy position.

He was in full view of the sniper, who put at least one bullet through Jones' jacket while another passed through his helmet, slid down the back of his shirt and burned him all the way down to the waistband.

During his mad dash he stopped and shot the sniper Jones remained unharmed on his journey across the field, still completely alone, until he eventually reached the other side. You know, the side with all the German trenches. And not these Germans. Undeterred, Jones leaped down and, firing from the hip with his bolt-action rifle, killed several of the enemy soldiers.

When he came to a dugout, he picked up a discarded stick grenade and flung it in. Three German soldiers came tumbling out and surrendered.

Jones took one prisoner who could speak English and used him, along with a few more stick grenades, to get the rest of the Germans to surrender. All told, around officially Germans came out, unarmed, with their hands in the air and their urine on their pants. One prisoner saw the disadvantage that Jones had namely that he was only one pissed-off dude essentially fighting a war alone and tried to make a run for it.

Luckily for Jones, a rescue party had come to retrieve his body. They wound up helping him round up his many, many prisoners instead In , living in Soviet-occupied Hungary was like living in a steaming pile of fresh dog poo. Ever since the commies took over, disposable income was slashed by 90 percent , food was running out, formerly free people were working as slaves on collective farms, and everything was a mess by any reasonable person's standards.

Except, of course, the guys in charge. They probably thought everything was going great. After 10 years of occupation, rebels gathered by the thousands to send the government a ballsy message.

If Moscow wondered what their literally hungry Hungarians thought of them, they didn't need to look further than this Hungarian flag with the Communist coat of arms ripped out. The American Hungarian Federation That sure is one defiant poncho. And their rebellion worked -- for 10 days. In a surprise move that shocked no one but the rebels themselves, the Soviet Union rolled tanks into Budapest and squashed the revolt to a bloody pulp.

But that didn't stop the Hungarians from coming up with some pretty innovative battle techniques before the whole thing was over. In the absence of real weapons, the revolutionaries were forced to improvise their defense with whatever goods were laying around the house at the time.

And what they had available was cooking oil, soap, jam, and soft fabric. I thought I wrote down 'grenades. Once the tanks started rolling into Budapest, they noticed something a little weird about the streets -- specifically, that they were on the slippery side. That's because the rebels had covered the roads in cooking oil and soap so the tanks couldn't get traction.

At one point the tank drivers found themselves trying to drive over piles of silk that had been strewn across the streets.

Have you ever tried to drive on silk? It's not only impossible, but kind of fabulous. Even more embarrassing, while the tanks were stuck on the world's most aggressive Slip 'n' Slide, kids would smear their windows with jelly.

Sadly, no amount of Smucker's was going to stop the Soviet machine from pouring into Hungary, and the rebellion was crushed. But at some point, maybe only briefly , a bunch of kids stopped ton rolling death machines in their tracks using nothing but items you can find in your kitchen right now. Wilson ran down to the enlistment office to volunteer his services.

However, the Army in the s was a mere shadow of its World War II size and thus had no room for an extra officer. Wilson, however, was more interested in action than in rank, so this veteran shrugged and enlisted again, as a private. He was sent to Korea, rose quickly through the ranks and made first sergeant by the summer of So already you know this guy doesn't take no for an answer.

He was put in charge of men tasked with protecting a little place that would within days be known with the loving nickname of "Hell Hill. As the first sergeant of his company, Wilson was both aware that a powerful Chinese attack was imminent and in position to remain in the background when shit would hit the fan. Instead, he wanted to be with his men.

For his troubles, he received a nasty bullet wound in his leg when Hell Hill started earning its nickname. This, of course, did nothing to prevent him from launching into a determined lone-man charge where he single-handedly killed seven and wounded two enemy soldiers, sending the rest into panicked disarray.

At this point, most men opined that Wilson had done enough, what with the life-threatening wound in his leg and everything, and tried to get him to a nice, comfy M. They actually managed to place him down on the stretcher, but when stretcher bearers set him down to rest, he immediately escaped and limped right back up the hill to defend the peak. At this point everyone else was retreating, so he was now pretty much the only U. He didn't actually realize this because his helmet kept falling over his eyes.

As everyone knows, a real-life situation where a lone wounded soldier stands against overwhelming odds never ends well for the soldier. Unless, of course, said soldier features in a Cracked article , in which case he promptly charges the enemy ranks with his rifle, kills three enemy soldiers and scares the shit out of the others. When the enemy physically wrestled the rifle from his hands, he took his goddamn entrenching shovel and annihilated four more enemies.

This is barely any use against zombies at the best of times. At this point, the Chinese soldiers decided that Wilson could just keep the damn hill and retreated. Wilson, in turn, finally allowed the medics to patch him up. Although he did rip his wounds open again the very next day, when he killed 33 enemy soldiers in another one-man assault. At that point, the Army actually had to remind Wilson's wildly medal-recommending superiors that no one is awarded more than one Medal of Honor.

George Cairns was a member of the Chindits , tough-as-nails soldiers who were dropped behind Japanese lines in the mountains and jungles of Burma during WW II. In March , the Chindits started Operation Thursday , a mission that involved sending gliders into the distant jungle and having their pilots quickly construct full-size landing strips so backups could land.

In theory, this strategy would put the men well beyond the reach of the enemy while they constructed the means to bring in reinforcements. In practice, as the Chindits found out firsthand, it was more like holding off attacks from every side while simultaneously designing and building a goddamn airport. This is Orde Wingate, founder and leader of the Chindits. And yes, he was completely mad. See, when the Chindits flew in, the Japanese already had control of a hill near one of the landing strips called Henu Block, which they used to stage brutal assaults on the men.

Cairns and his troop radioed headquarters and complained about the difficulties of practicing architecture while dodging machine-gun fire. Headquarters responded with an elegant solution: Just go up there and kill all of them, then shut up and get back to work.

The Chindits were ordered to go and capture the hill back from the Japanese. And so they did. Much of the fighting was brutal, hand-to-hand combat, the British armed with bayonets and the Japanese with katana-style blades. In the melee, a Japanese soldier hacked off Cairns' left arm.

It can also cut through a potato in one swing. After watching his own arm get lopped off, Cairns managed to kill the Japanese officer, retrieve the man's sword with his one remaining arm and, sustained solely by his righteous anger and possibly a shitload of shock , storm right back up that goddamn hill to deal with that son of a bitch's friends.

As Cairns advanced in front of the rest of the Chindits, still swinging that Katana at anything that moved, he killed and wounded several Japanese soldiers. He kept right on chopping until the blood loss from the hemorrhaging stump got the better of him and he collapsed and died. Or, as he called it, murder fuel. But that wasn't the end: The rest of the Chindits were so inspired by the insane bravado of his attack that they all stormed forward in a similarly ferocious fashion.

The Japanese turned and fled for their lives, probably believing, based on all the firsthand evidence gathered thus far, that British people keep all of their sanity in their left arms. As well as their ridiculous hats. One of the most absurdly complex and overall ludicrous prison escape attempts in history is thanks to a pair of British pilots named Oliver Philpot and Eric Williams , who wound up in a Nazi prison camp along with another British soldier named Richard Codner.

Philpot and Williams had been shot down during a bombing run, but it isn't exactly clear how Codner wound up there. Though, from listening to the guy, it is quite possible he voluntarily entered the prison just to see if he could break out.

In his own words, "I enjoyed myself when we were escaping. We were really living then. I think it's only when you're being hunted that you really live I liked being hunted It wasn't the guards, guard dogs, or barbwire fences at Stalag Luft III that were the biggest problem inmates faced: On top was dusty grey, but not far underneath was sandy yellow.

Any yellow dirt that turned up in the prison meant a tunnel was being dug. Tunnels, like the three used in the Great Escape were being dug all the time, but most of these were discovered because of the amount of time and yellow dirt required to dig from one of the prison buildings. There had to be a way around it. Together, the three men built a really big pommel horse the rail with a pair of handles, like gymnasts use , capable of holding up to three men uncomfortably inside.

Then they convinced the guards that they, and many other inmates, just loved the hell out of gymnastics.

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