Gambling addict who lost everything rebuilds his life

When contacted, the Association of British Bookmakers, the trade body which organised the code of conduct, said it did not want to comment. And I place myself in the top category!! It's obviously not enough that I'm here till midnight, they gotta suck away my only real break time! Again, it's not a perfect solution because it's best that you don't gamble at all, but added to other measures it helps. Seeing people walk over and put a tenner in and win a few hundred sometimes makes me a bit twitchy. I'm going to be spending roughly 2 weeks wages a month on staying alive It's going to take a couple of years to even be anywhere close.

More older Americans are problem gamblers, but are they betting against their health, too?

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I tried to justify things like lottery, fantasy football, pools, etc as not real gambling. At the point you are at, you may be feeling the same way. I can assure you that continuing those types of activities ARE gambling, and they do work to perpetuate our gambling itch. That's why at GA they discuss one of the steps being to make a fearless financial and moral inventory.

You will need to come to the conclusion yourself of course, and I'm quite thick headed so it has taken me 4 years to root out every last avenue of gambling that was in my life. Now finally they are all out on the table in full view to me mentally of course. I understand that if I buy stocks, my gambling brain will trigger, and I will start buying and selling to try and make a quick profit. That IS gambling, although it took 3 years to finally admit that to myself.

Same goes for the sports pools etc. I justified it by saying it was only with friends, only for a small stake, just for fun, for socialization, etc You may be done with gambling today I hope!

Thinking about all of these things, weighing them, writing them down, talking with people are all tools for you to get it straight in your mind what will be needed for you to succeed. If you couldn't tell already, part of my therapy is to read others experiences and think about the times in my recovery that I ran across the same dilemmas and obstacles and how I handled them or botched them.

So I want to thank you for posting, it really helps me a lot! I have wondered to myself whether it would be dangerous to play things like the lottery and the like when in recovery. I think I guessed what the answer was, but it's good to have it confirmed by you. We can't have enough education on this addiction and the do's and don'ts while in recovery. A full understanding is so vital to success. What could seem an innocent activity, really could send us on a downward spiral.

Felt a bit shit at times today. A couple of weeks ago i wouldn't of batted an eyelid at that kinda price. But now I've literally got nothing, even a ticket to the football or a takeaway meal seems like something I can't afford to put my money to. My mother told me I'd need to get used to saving for when I have my own house. Well I'm getting used to it, and I don't bloody like it.

I've thought about it a few times today. Only gambling small amounts and quitting while I'm ahead. These thoughts are pointless though. I always come to the same conclusion It's just not worth the risk. Hoping I stay strong. For now thought, 9 days and counting. I always found Saturday a hard day at work. Not because my jobs particularly taxing, the complete opposite in fact. I get in just before 1, then settle down in front of the TV with my weekly chippy dinner.

The only customer I get during the day joins me, so it's easy to manage the bar. Then by about half 1, with no sign of any actual work to be done, I'll start getting itchy fingers.

I used to tell myself, just go a tenner. But when it's a pound a go, a tenners not lasting much more than a minute or two. Inevitably once I lose that I'd set on the path to chasing. Everyone knows chasing a machine is how they make their money.

Reminds me of a few Saurdays back. I came in to a message left for me by a fellow gambler at work. The message was simply, I've put a fortune in the 20p bandit and it's definitely ready to go. It only takes a few quid to realise when a machine is ready to pay out and indeed it was. Only problem is, although it's full and ready to pay out, that doesn't nececerrely mean it has to do it right away. So there I was, half past 12, 'working'. So I'm running back and forth between the bar and the bandit as people are wanting to be served.

The life and times of a CG. I had some strong urges yesterday. I had a full free day to devote to gambling. I had money availble and free time.

I talked to my husband, I re-read all my thread, then I posted a pledge not to gamble in March. I am going to buy a new vacuum today with my money and spend the time shopping for it. You have to want to quit this addiction. I read the cycle of addiction and saw myself plainly in the midst of it. The thoughts come back around and wee have to plan ahead for them.

You are doing great. I know having no money to buy the simple things is hard, but day by day the path you are on, will allow you to pay your way through life. Just get to the end of today. Tomorrow is too far away to think about. That's 11 days straight now. It definitely helps I think Sunday night is tote double night at my work.

I guess it might be a good time to seek opinions on wether this is still a good idea to pursue? I guess in a way it's still gambling.

It's not something I could ever lose thousands on, but is it a gateway perhaps But for now, eleven days and counting. How would you react if your friend was addicted to heroin, now in recovery, and told you he was just going to do the smallest of hits once per week. Only once per week and only the smallest amount of course. How would you advise him? It's funny how because a lot of regular people gamble, society and social norms say that a bit of lottery or a raffle is very ok and in fact encouraged.

However, the same regular people that do heroin are viewed by society as low life junkies. In fact addictive drugs and gambling trigger very similar types of reactions in your brain. Scroll a little way up your thread for the answer. Fritz pretty much answered your question. When in recovery, abstaining from any form of gambling is the best option. The choice is obviously yours, but we all know, any sort of bet, no matter how harmless or small, will lead on to bigger things. What's more it keeps you in the gambling, risk mentality, which I think you should avoid at all costs.

Had to nip to town today for some art supplies. Just another thing to keep me busy when I'm feeling the urge. I was watching the football last night. It annoys me how frequent there are adverts for gambling, before and after the game.

Not to mention half time where they really push the odds. It's pretty annoying to see. You don't see adverts for drug addicts do you?

Is gambling not as addictive as say alcohol or cigarettes? Might just be me, but I get the feeling if I told someone I was addicted to drugs they'd be more sympathetic. But if I said I was addicted to gambling, they'd just say, well just stop gambling. Can addiction really be put in an order? I'm just babbling now But 12 days and counting.

It is hard to lose all your money with alcohol or cigarettes. You certainly don't chase thousands with that. I used to think that once I'd done a week, the problem was behind me. I feel sick to my stomach today as I write this. I thought it best to come on here and write in my journal. I've been very itchy and in my head all day today. I've been constantly thinking about how I'm going to claw back the money I've lost. It's going to take a couple of years to even be anywhere close. All I can think at the moment is, if I just start gambling my wages every week maybe I can occasionally win the odd grand to put into my savings.

I know if even once I lost my wages one week I would just dive into my savings to make it back up. I'll never be able to escape this nightmare. I still don't feel comfortable telling anyone. I just can't face another emotional kick in the bollocks. I think I've pretty much decided I can't tell my partner.

She'd never be able to understand and relate to my problems. She won't see them as problems, she'd see it as just wasting money instead of something I couldn't control at the time. I did something silly earlier. I google searched for Dynamite Digger, which is the video slot I played all the time.

It took me to Labrokes online casino. I went as far as looking at the sign up page that would let me 'quick sign up with paypal'. It's probably been the worst day since I last gambled today. Not helped by the fact someone just went of the bandit at work and I heard that pound coin bypass the hopper and nestle in the bottom box, clearly shouting over to me "I'm full and ready to drop" Someone whose progress I am following as avidly as I might a serial.

Someone in whose struggle I see myself, and for whom I want to success against the odds in the manner of a old fashioned Greek hero. However, after I posted the system seemed to shut down at it never got posted. In essence, I am rooting for you. I know that you know that the next bet is the one to avoid. You will never be up enough - and when you are you will only gamble again to lose.

I know understand how you can never win from gambling. There are so many stories on here of people being 12K, 20K up and then instead of pocketing the money and leaving it for a few weeks, before ertruning with a clear head, you think you have it sussed and so increase the bets until its gone - and then some.

CGs cannot win - I cannot win. I proceeded to lose that and then almost a lot more. The reason you are one of my heroes is that you remind me of me.

The way you write, the way you describe yourself. I think we are very different apart from we are CGs. I see you as Hercules fighting the Hydra of gambling.

You can never beat the Hydra totally, but day by day you can chip at it until, after a long while, it is small and depleted. But what I now understand is that you can never bet again - because if you do, it will grow and grow. Please continue to be a hero for me - I come to this site a lot as reading about stroies of success give me strength. I am close to wrecking everything I have. I am 42 and everything I have worked towards is almost gone. I am that story. I don't want to go further - which is to be homless, in poverty, in prison, thinking about suicide.

I want my story now to be the turnaround - but that will not happen overnight. I have so much work to do on myself. I need to understand what the urge to gamble is. It is when I am happy, or sad, flush or broke. I have played online poker in my pants having a shit, on the bus with a dodgy dongle, in cafes, in parks, sneakily at home without the wife seeing.

I am ashamed of the times I have gambled and lost it, absolbed, ignorant to my young child. Over 3 years it has robbed me of so much and it robs us all. Becaiuse it is not a simple form of entertainment for us. It is class A drugs - it does the same to our brain as herion or crack, and that is whym in the sane way as I cannot ever take heroin again, I can never gamble again.

I wish you all my love and strength, and hope to read tomorrow that you were able to delay the urge to gamble. And that tomorrow will be day 12 for you and day 8 for me. Had to get my bike fixed today. New tyre, inner tube, brake cable and break pads. Not as bad as I was expecting, but still, it's fifty quid I didn't really wanna part with. Spent plenty of time today thinking about ways to get my money back.

Obviously gambling always at the forfront of any ideas. Something else popped back into my head that I hadn't thought about for a while. When I was gambling frequently throughout the years, I always had one rule. I always said I'd never touch that money. But somewhere in the last couple of months, I was so desperately hooked on the chase that I totally forgot I was pissing all over their memory. I don't believe in God or the afterlife, so I'm happy knowing they're not looking down on me with great disappointment.

Although they probably should be When will it get easier? I am really struggling at the moment with the chaos that my gambling has caused. The truth is the longer we go without the gamble, the harder it gets as we will always have to remind ourselves what we are: We can never have one bet again. I have met so many recovering CGs who went years without a gamble and convinnced themselves they were cured, so they could gamble responsibly again.

It usually comes crashing down on our heads really quickly. I am only on day 8 and now I have to deal with the wreckage that is my life. You are still young and you have a job. Gambling is no way of life. The odd bet for most people is fine. I know I cannot do that anymore.

Not had a bad day today. A reminder of a time not so long ago that I was quick to spend big on my hobby. On a positive note, I'll get much more than that when they go on eBay soon to cover costs.

Gotta save up for a match I'm going to at the end of the month too. Savings aren't seeing many new friends at the minute. I was pretty irritable last night. I had a regular gambler staying late at work. Usually I don't mind stopping back a bit so they can play, as I always like to watch and join in. But everything about it was annoying me last night.

Not least the 30 minutes extra I was at work without pay. Anyway, he ended up with nothing, obviously. I locked up and went home annoyed that my time was wasted. If only I'd felt like that when it was my own money. There had been a few occassions I'd left work as the sun was coming up, hundreds maybe over a thousand quid down.

Here's to hoping I've walked that last walk I've got to say, you are doing brilliantly. You are facing temptation at work everyday and still managing to resist the urge to gamble. Been preoccupied so it's been fine. Just checkin in to check in. Nobody at work again. I'm not feeling too itchy though so it's cool. Had my dinner, got my one customer in, watching tele All good in the hood. Had some weird dreams last night. I dreamt that I had four grand in my savings and I was moving it into my normal account so I could gamble.

I never got up to the point where I won or lost, just the moving money between accounts with the intentions of gambling online. It was a pretty horrible feeling. I also had a dream that I'd told my mother. She was disgusted with me and we're going over all the things I wasn't allowed to do or buy until I'd made the money back. I told my boss I was gonna knock the tote double on the head for obvious reasons. He just laughed a bit and said it was only a quid a week. Although I agree to a certain extent that it's only a pound and I'd make it back in tips within 10 minutes, that's not the point.

He's one of only two people I've told and he doesn't inderstand. All I get from the other guy is, I wish you'd stopped the first time you won it all back. Well thanks for that So basically I can't talk to anyone because nobody takes gambling seriously as an addiction. I'm sure if I was a coke head they wouldn't say, it's just one bump a week, can't do any harm!

On another note, I sold another pair of match boots on eBay. Didn't get what I was hoping for. Not too pleased about that. But at least it'll cover the Gerrard's I mentioned earlier. Breezing through these days now. Not got much on my mind today. Early shift at work. Just finished Boardwalk Empire. Sad about the ending, but I guess you really can't be half a gangster Back to work after tea, then that's me till midnight.

I'm starting to come to terms with it all a bit more now. The realisation that I'm never getting my money back. I'm really impatient, so it's killing me a little knowing that this is going to be a long drawn out battle.

If it's feeling like a battle then there are two opposing viewpoints in your head. One saying I want to gamble and one saying I shouldn't, right?

Think about the side saying I want to gamble. Why do you feel that way? Write down all of the positive aspects of gambling and test each one. In the end they are all false, but you will need to reach that conclusion on your own.

Until then you will be using the willpower method of quitting, which means you will have to struggle with a constant inner conflict of wanting to gamble but not allowing yourself to gamble. It is a very hard way to live. I tried this for a long time with poor results. You can go along time without gambling but continue feeling deprived of something you think is important and good, so the desire and urges never stop.

Consequently peace is elusive. This is just my experience, take it or leave it of course. This thinking comes from the Easy Way, it clicked for me, maybe it will click for you too. I wish you all the best in your recovery. Starting to really wonder if this site is good for me?

It's nice to be able to record my thoughts i guess, but really it's just those day numbers clocking up that i always rely on to help me. I used to count them on the works calendar whenever i had a bad spell and wanted to stop. My previous record was just over 42 weeks i believe.

Never gone a year as long as I've been gambling. But I've been reading over some peoples older posts and although there's a lot of tragedy through those pages, there's also a lot of glamor between the lines. I read a long post that someone did last year describing the thrill and rush of gambling on slot machines. The post finished up telling how terrible they felt after the event, but all I read at that point was blah, blah, blahh.

I'm not trying to offend anyone, but by the time I'd read the first bit, all those sweet memories of gambling came flooding back. The next paragraph could of been the meaning of life and I'd still not been interested!

At this point right now, right now in my head, all I want to do is gamble. I think I've even gone past the point of wanting my money back. Just want the feeling of seeing that reel spin and have your heart skip a beat as the reel settles, displaying a healthy win or a disappointing loss. I miss the feeling of not being able to spend money too. I mean, sure, I've scraped back two grand so far, so I could easily afford a little luxury or two.

But I'm stuck in save mode at the moment. I'm really dedicated to building my savings back up. The downside to this is that I'm still selling things I've collected over the years for, in some cases, less that they're worth. Which bugs me with every sale. I'm still adamant that my very top, rare items won't be going anywhere. I know they're only 'things' but I've worked hard for these 'things' and I think losing them will do me more harm than good in the long run.

So here's to 20 days Tempted, but not turned. I felt the same as you until I finished The Easy Way. The book is great as it is very repetitive as it bangs home its message. I now question why I ever gambled. For years I got nothing from it. I know if I gamble again I will get sucked right in. I want a life without gambling, most be don't gamble.

What has it ever given me? Nothing, not even any great wins. I have a few big win, most I never cashed out. I do understand that you can have big wins, but if you keep gambling what;'s the point? I still do fantasise about the big win and keeping it. I remember Charlster wrote how he was 12K up at one point but then just upped the stakes.

You too wrote how you got your money back to 20K, then smashed the lot in 2 or so weeks. If you could be guaranteed to win and then walk away, great. But if we are a CG we can't. If all you do with a win is put it back, what's the point? I was very lucky again over the weekend, at one point I was massively down. I ended up up, but my GA sponsor said I didn't win - merely finished with more than I started. But if I gamble again that would go. I checked my bank yesterday - the deposited had gone but not the withdrawel.

If you think about what gambling ever gave you, apart from a short rush of "did I win" or "did I lose" nothing. And if you are using such huge amounts of money, the stress will kill you. We are all here with you, don't be fooled by the 'glamour' that people sometimes write.

I think that's what made me relapse too. I wanted that win and walk away. But next time I play, if I play with the same intensity, I could lose everything.

I can't play at those stakes any more. Keep posting, stay strong and get the Allen Carr book. It was much better than I thought. You have been an inspiration to me as you have got your head around your compulsion. Just seeing one person understand my bullshit on here is good for my morale. I was talking to a guy at work last night.

The dude is absolutely loaded. This guy might put a lot in, but he seems to do it at the right times because he always tends to be lucky. With that kinda win, addicted or not, your definitely going back on it another time aren't you!? I've seen people who never even contemplate gambling get a little win on that machine and never looked back Not to the extent of some idiots like me, but there's definitely a trigger that goes off after you see that first win.

That trigger went off for me pretty early in life. I used to go to a lot of arcades in town when I was young. I live in a seaside town that is packed with them. Packed with arcades, but more importantly, un-policed arcades. So it was easy to gamble as a kid. The only obstacles at the time being other kids that wanted to either take your money OR help you win the jackpot I shall take one example.

I used to go to maybe 4 or 5 regular arcades that had specific machines that we had mastered. We being me and my friend, let's call him Chris. Because that's his name Anyway, we'd walk into the first place with our money firmly stuffed in our socks. If it was quiet, time to play. If there were a few unsavoury types in, move to the next place. So we ended up in a place we didn't often frequent and tried a few machines that were new to us. I was playing one machine with a kinda 'Space and Rockets' theme to it.

Only 'problem' was, I got the repeat option. I swear, every time the repeat option came up, the lights were flashing brighter than any other machine and the sound effects louder. It seemed to go on for an eternity. Every time I tried for a repeat I got it. I remember clearly thinking, I wish this would end so we could get out of there. With every repeat I could feel more eyes on me.

My friend being my look out just in case. After a nervous what seemed like 16 hours! That's the kind of thing that happened regular when I was a kid. I loved the thrill of going out and playing, not necessarily winning, just being there and getting a buzz. I guess I should of known when to stop. When the buzz stopped. When it became a chore instead of a pleasure. But we live and learn. I have often sat beside players in casinos.

Watched them stuff fifty after fifty euro notes into slot machines up to 6, 7, 8 hundred Whom did I fool? Most of these Big Shots are CGs in denial. And I place myself in the top category!! Gamblers, myself included, will talk from dusk until dawn about the great wins we've had when in the company of others.

Never will we talk about the losses that outnumber the wins massively. No one wants to be a loser, so we portray ourselves as winners, not just to appear great at what we do, but to convince ourselves that gambling is justified. That's my experience anyway. The chances are that guy may have had a lucky night in your establishment, but one thing is certain, he is hugely down over all, that is a fact.

I know what your saying. I've had it myself before. I also remember one time I found a 20p piece in the tray. So I put it in and tried two spins on 10p. I got five 7's right across. But for every good story I can remember, there's probably 10 stories I don't want to remember.

Countless times I've taken my max out the cash machine only to wait till midnight so I could go do the same again. I probably shouldn't say, but I've also borrowed money from the safe at work to gamble. I've always paid it straight back though.

But the fact that thousands of pounds were readily available to me on a nightly basis were always a temptation. Many times I'd thought about quitting my job, but I've been there for 14 years, worked up from the bottom to the second in charge. I know in a few years I'll be running the bar if of course the place stays open. I really need to draw a line under this for good. I can just imagine now what I could do with an increased wage. But as it's been said countless times, you've gotta take each day as it comes.

For me, this is day A day over three weeks and counting. I definitely feel better about not playing. But after three weeks, I'm still cut pretty deep about what I've thrown away.

So last night at work I had a row with one of the people who knows what I've done. Basically all he can muster up, every time he brings it up, is that after the first time I clawed my money back, I should of quit then. Cheers bud, sound advice. I told him, no you wouldn't. If you'd been gambling the sums of money I had for the continual length of time I had, you wouldn't of stopped at all. This is a guy that chases a hundred pound loss until he's nothing left. Telling me he'd of stopped. After I told him I was a compulsive gambler he even had the nerve to tell me I wasn't.

This is what annoys me most I think. If I told people I was a drug addict they'd sympathise. When I tell people I'm a gambling addict they laugh and tell me I'm not But it's obvious I was never going to stop.

Anyone with half a brain knew after everything I'd put myself through to get back to where I was, it was never going to be enough. There can never be too much. After I'd made my money back, all I could think about was making more. Sure, I lasted about a week, bought a few luxury items, but I was always going to go back.

I needed that loss. People will never be able to wrap their heads round it. But I needed to lose it all before I could come to terms with what I am. If I still had that money in there, I'd still be gambling with it. Your post tells me that you have a real understanding of your problem, it took me 30 years to understand mine!!

You're also right when you say that you needed to lose it all before reality kicked in. I hope you wont be as stubborn as me and live for years thinking that you'll one day win everything back.

I can save you a lot of wasted time and heartache by telling you straight that things only get worse if you gamble, they'll never get better.

I think you know that deep down anyway. I genuinely mean it when I say that you are doing great. You are faced with temptation every time you go to work, so I take my hat off to you for the way you're handling this. SO much truth in that post Adam.

I know that after my 'win' on Sunday, if I hadn;t told everyone I would have soon lost that and more. I still get thoughts berating myself for not trying to win more, but then I think "who's to say you would have won?

ONly we understand this compulsion. Some people like to poke fun Adam. Maybe your mate is a CG in denial? I know a few people I confided in laughed in my face. Makes you feel a bit sorry you told them but that's Life. You sure learn who your friends are when you're down!

Just give him the bird next time you see him Don't waste your breath arguing! Cheers for the words people. He's a pretty big gambler himself. That's why I've been tight with him for a while.

Swapping stories and sharing losses. A few months ago we went halves on the card machine. You then peel off 5 compartments and if you get three of the same in a line, you've won something.

After we'd got our latest batch, a little old woman, obviously watching what we were doing, goes and puts three pound coins in. You can guess what she got. I just looked at those three gold bars in a line as she handed it over and couldn't help but smile with acceptance. Partly because I didn't need to spend anymore. This fella was livid though. He was cursing her out all night. But there's a common expression that circulated this place between anyone that plays these machines.

It's that simple really. Hopefully I can "save my money, take my chance" to build a better future. A gamble free future. What a absolutely brilliant post. I think everything I've read in here hits the nail on the absolute head. You're right though, about the drugs thing, it's funny how they get pity, we get brushed off. I think it's more people aren't sure how to react to gambling, it's not a sociably acceptable thing to know about if that makes sense.

Drugs you see talked about everywhere, so everybody has an opinion. Gambling is never talked about, the silent disease. Recently come off a 5, nearly 6 year binge I'll write a seperate post soon enough , I've won thousands, lost even more and I'm only I've spunked 10, up the wall my Grandparents left me, something I will never live down as long as I live.

The longer those days tick by, the better you feel. I like you Adam am extremely inpatient, I'm looking at my bank account thinking it's going to take a couple of years to get back to where I was, and you know what, so be it, I always wanted the nice things in life, the only way I'm getting that is by pure hard work, If it was ever going to be through gambling, if gambling was such an easy way to make money do you think any of us would be here?

You've done brilliantly so far Adam. Don't let other people around you get you down. Do it for yourself, do it so you can turn around in a couple of years time and go you know what, I did it, I really fucking did it, and it's all through hard work. I guarantee you will feel better than any buzz you've ever won through gambling. I will keep an eye on your posts, even if I will not post myself. If you ever would like a chat, just drop my name in your post.

I'll be sure to reply. It's nice to see I'm not the only one. I'll keep you in mind. Been busy today so I'm just getting this in before midnight. Wanna keep my day counter going. It's the only thing keeping me sane through this voyage of acceptance. I was a bit gutted yesterday. I was speaking to my mum about my brother who had just bought a house. She was running through all the costs he's built up so far. Pretty much the whole 10, quid my grandparents left him.

She reminded me not to make the same mistakes when I buy a house. It made me feel so low and ashamed Quiet night at work tonight. The lad I mentioned in previous posts wasn't in tonight.

I gather he put a LOT of money in the bandit last night and lost. Serves him right for belittling me the other day. Like someone said, CG in disguise. Hopefully he'll learn his own lessons and maybe he can have a better attitude when he talks to me next So that's 28 days.

I guess thats 4 weeks. Then in theory thats a month! Pretty good start I'd say. Been selling some more stuff from my collection. I'm nearly on 3 grand saved. That's pretty good for a month. If only I'd put this much effort into saving before I'd lost it all. Maybe the time will come when you can tell your work mate about GT. Every dog has his day! Bit miffed as I'm working tonight on my day off.

It's hard work being one of the only people good at my job. I'm finding at the moment that my days are being filled with thoughts of progress instead of negative thoughts about what I had, what I could of had and what I'll never have again.

It's reassuring to me that I've managed to scrape together 3 grand in just over a month. It gives me real optimism about the future and hopefully I can continue on and make an even bigger more stable savings account.

I'm also, for now, happy that I have the control to still play the tote and put to a joint lottery, knowing that I won't get out of hand. I know what my vices were and hopefully I'm managing to irradiate them Adam, that is amazing mate.

You have really stuck this one out, and to save 3K in a month is quite astounding;- At this rate you'll habe all your money back in no time as long as you stay away from the gamble.

Things aren't great for me, suffering massive depression at the chaos I;ve causd, but you have cheered me up mate. You've quit at the right time and as long as you stay away you'll be fine. But no complacency, that was my downfall the first few times I quit. It really sneaks back up on you, so watch out for the tote and lottery.

Keep going Adam that is wonderful those days are adding up to weeks and a month.. Very cool but busy day and night yesterday in Liverpool.

Didn't get chance to update, but I'm doing it now. Had a text off someone in my lottery syndicate. It's the most we've ever won but it's still only a few quid each. I'm not packing my things to move abroad just yet. Also, the win doesn't make me feel any gambling twitches. Maybe because it's a small amount. Either way, I think I'm gonna be ok Cheers again for the words guys. Was in work at half 8 for the Thwaites delivery.

Coors were supposed to turn up between half 8 and half So I've cleaned the lines and waited 4 hours for them not to show up. So I went home for what will now only be a 2 hour break. Then at 2 o'clock they ring me up. Leave it outside or take it back You've arsed me about enough today, I ain't coming back now! So that annoyed me. Then I had a delivery from Same Day Beers at 4. Not actually sure what the Steward does for his money!

Anyway, I just counted my tips I save in a jar at work. Usually this would signal the round up rule. The round up rule as we all know or maybe not is when I have an odd amount of money, you gamble the odds. It's time to carry on the round up rule. Well I've come this far, all or nothing Treasure those "tips" Adam! Equal to hundred euro!!!! I still cringe when I think of the owners emptying those machines and laughing all the way to the bank!

I forgot to kiss it goodbye!! Hi Adam, I think th thing that is helping you most is your new attitude towards gambling. You no longer accept the arguments that you used to persuade yourself to gamble more. It's good that the lottery win didn't have much of an impact on your emotions.

This shows that gambling is becoming less important to you than it was in the past. At work there will be good days and bad days but if all days are gamble-free than the bad days will be less bad. Cheers Vera and very true Waynes. I like to think my attitude has changed. I still get it every day from the regular gamblers that go in my workplace. Telling me it's worth a go on such a machine and why aren't I playing this and doing that. I'm trying to explain to these people that I'm putting it behind me, but with so many other instances of me saying I'm done they tend to take it with a pinch of salt.

The guy who knows what I've done who ive mentioned before wasn't in last night. Blew a fortune in here on Monday night. Over three years, he gambled away his savings, the equity in his house, money his wife had given him to look after and then when all that was gone, he started using his company credit card.

When his employers found out, they sacked him. When his wife, Emma, discovered the extent of what he had done in the autumn of , she left him with their two young sons and - on the day before he was due to be evicted and made homeless - his year-old mother travelled to Derbyshire and brought him back to Tonbridge where he had grown up.

Since he went public with his battle against addiction, media coverage helped to raise his profile as a gambling awareness campaigner. In January he started running a recovery course at Tonbridge Baptist Church course for people with all kinds of addictions and also found some freelance work back in the City.

He has also become the chairman of a newly-formed gambling awareness charity called Rethink Gambling. The book of his story is being published this week and he is due to swim the channel in August for charity Hemi Help, which aids people with hemiplegia, a paralysis condition one of his sons has. Something else Mr Larcombe wants to see implemented is a one-stop exclusion method so online gamblers who think they have a problem can exclude themselves from all the 2, online gambling websites in one go, a measure which he says would have saved his marriage.

In a statement, the Remote Gambling Association said it was an independent charity funded by donations from the gambling industry. It said it funded the education, prevention and treatment services and commissioned research to broaden public understanding of gambling-related harm.

A Department for Culture, Media and Sport statement said it was completely committed to ensuring that the gambling industry "puts player protection and social responsibility at the heart of their business". The real name of one of the men believed to be behind the Salisbury attack has been revealed by a website.

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